Blackmail
by HeartofGeorgia
Summary: No one can resist it, no matter how they try. Literally fluffy, no pairings (unless you count a vaguely mentioned hooker). Only rated T for said hooker's mention, I doubt kids should be reading anything involving hookers.


**I'm bored and cannot sleep. I believe this is an acceptable result.**

Alucard was never what one would call an animal person. He rarely kept pets that were anything but humanoid, and when he did they never lasted long. But for some reason, as he finished killing the last ghoul of the night and heard a tiny mewl from behind a trash can, he couldn't resist the urge to turn and look. Huddled behind the metal can, dripping wet from rain and obviously half frozen, sat a tiny black kitten with the most shocking blue eyes he had ever seen. Sighing and wondering what had gotten into himself, he leaned down and plucked the miniscule animal off of the ground by its scruff, holding it at eye level. Unlike most animals - who tended to cower at the sight of the No-Life King - the little female kneaded the air in front of his face and purred loudly at him. He scowled at the creature.

"And just what has you so happy?" he growled out. The only response he got was her rubbing her face against his cheek tenderly and attempting to curl against his neck. He bared his fangs at her and growled loudly. She cowered, giving him the most pitiful look she could manage, as if apologizing for whatever she had done to receive such treatment from the large vampire holding her. He facepalmed and removed his glasses, meeting her eyes. "I suppose you wish to come home with me," he sighed in defeat. She immediately perked back up, and he chuckled, putting her into the inside pocket of his coat beside the Casull, and she happily curled into a tiny ball, falling asleep almost immediately. He shook his head in wonderment, and made his way back to Hellsing manor. _What to do with her?_

o0o0o0o

Entering his dungeons, he removed his little passenger from his coat. She opened her eyes blearily, looked around for all of two seconds, let out a huge, squeaking yawn, and promptly fell back asleep. _I assume the little creature will need to eat,_ he thought to himself, placing her on his shoulder as he shadow traveled into the kitchen, nearly scaring the daylights out of the cook.

"What might you have in relation to meat?" he asked stiffly, uncomfortable with asking for anything, especially from a lowly human.

"W-well, I'm sure I can find something, if I may ask, why do you need it?" the cook stuttered nervously. In response, Alucard gestured to the sleeping kitten on his shoulder. Immediately the cook headed for the freezer, grabbing a pack of finely diced lamb. "This should suffice for now, I would recommend you get some kitten food for her soon," he said slightly more confidently, it just so happened he had raised kittens when he was younger, so he knew what he was doing.

"Thank you," Alucard said, grabbing a plate before shadow traveling back to his dungeon. The kit was beginning to wake up, and she purred in his ear as he sat down on his throne, putting the lamb onto the plate, careful not to spill any. She clambered directly down his shoulder, nearly ripping her own claws out in the process, and began wolfing the meat down. He gently stroked her silky black fur, wondering again what had possessed him to bring home such an animal. _I guess the Police Girl wasn't enough of a pet to keep me entertained then, _he thought, amused.

o0o0o0o

Seras Victoria couldn't find her gun. While to some people this wouldn't seem like such a hard concept to grasp, when said gun was a massive anti-tank rifle, it tends to raise a few eyebrows when it is misplaced. She had searched everywhere for it, logical and illogical alike, but could still not find her beloved Harkonnen anywhere. Sighing, she decided to ask Sir Integra if she knew of anyone who might have taken it without permission.

Slipping through the door to Integra's office, she shyly waited until the Hellsing heir raised her head in her direction before moving forward.

"Sorry to bother you Sir, but have you any idea where my gun might be?" she asked politely. Integra raised an eyebrow.

"How on earth did you manage to misplace that oversized cannon?" she replied incredulously. Seras shrugged. It wasn't as if she had just left it sitting somewhere, she had left it in its case in the corner of her room as always but when she went into her room after a mission briefing she found it was missing, case and all. Sighing, Integra pinched the bridge of her nose. "I suppose that when all else fails, ask Alucard. I wouldn't put it past him to be using it for who knows what." Seras brightened considerably, she hadn't thought to ask her master but now that she thought of it she couldn't believe she hadn't done so sooner.

"Thanks sir!" she said, skipping out of the room and heading for the dungeon steps. The darkness down there always kind of creeped her out, but she managed to get through it thanks to her heightened senses. Hesitating at the door, she tentatively reached a hand out and knocked on her master's door. "Master? Are you in there?" she called cautiously. She had walked in on a rather awkward situation that involved a hooker and peanut butter, and ever since had followed the 'knock before entering' rule to a T. Hearing no response but still curious, she nudged the door open gently, not making a sound.

Entering the room and adjusting her eyes to the darkness, she happened upon a camera-worthy scene. Sprawled on his throne like the king he was, Alucard was snoozing comfortably… With a tiny kitten curled up on his chest, purring and asleep. Grinning, she grabbed her camera phone from her back pocket, and glad that her master literally slept like the dead, snapped a few pictures with the flash on. The kitten woke up, but seeing no threat, settled back down, keeping one eye on the curious blonde. She snuck closer, starting to get a bit nervous, and reached down to stroke the top of the cats head. The little being purred and drifted off again. Seras looked around for a moment, spotting her gun partially disassembled on a table in the far corner, but deciding that whatever Alucard was doing with it was more important than it sitting in her corner collecting dust, she stole out of the room quietly.

Heading back up to Integra's office, she looked at the pictures on her phone. Luckily for her, the myth of vampires never showing up on camera was just that, an unfounded myth, and she had gotten quite a few good snapshots of her master with the little ball of fluff. Entering again without knocking (she had nothing to fear with Integra's office, thankfully), she bounced on the balls of her feet. Looking up, slightly confused, Integra raised an eyebrow.

"Did you find your cannon?" she asked disinterestedly. Grinning widely, Seras nodded, holding her phone behind her back. "What do you have there, Seras?" she asked. The blonde vampire stepped forward, behind the desk, and opened one of the pictures, obviously quite proud of herself. It took a moment for the picture to actually make sense, but when it finally did, Integra Hellsing did two things that she wouldn't be caught dead doing in front of nearly anyone else: "Awwwwww"-ing and laughing until she doubled over in fits. "I do believe you have some quality blackmail material, Seras. Save that everywhere you can, he'll try his hardest to delete every copy." Smirking, Seras opened another screen.

"I've already got it all over the internet."


End file.
